Wigan sign DJ Campbell

Ex wheel of fortune and crimewatch presenter, signed on 2 year deal.
The 45 year old DJ is delighted to be joining such an under ambitious and stagnating club, especially as he will be earning a quarter of what he was getting on radio 2, he was more than impressed with the tactical knowledge of brown shoed manager Roberto Martinez, who has now got over the fact that one of the big top 8 clubs didnt want him after all, though he sees it as a blessing in disguise not to be tied up with a long term contract when Barcelona come knocking next summer, after Latics survive by a point, thus cementing Bobbys place as the best premier league manager in history.
Campbell joins 23 fellow scots at the club, apparently Dave Whelan got his hands on a warehouse full of superficially damaged Scotts porridge oats, and being the astute businessman that he is, realised that if he employed only scottish people and fed them porridge, knocking £2 per bowl off their wages, and they each had 14 bowls per week, they would end up owing him £5 per week and would all have lots of energy to do extra shifts at DW sports, selling old latics shirts with Rodallega on the back.

Anyway, welcome to Campbell, and we await the arrival of rab c nesbitt, william wallace and andy murray, oh flower of scotland…….ne na nene ne…na na ne ne ne, ne ne ne ne.