Question:

How do you tell the difference between a UK Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Answer:

First, let’s pose the following question:
You’re on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot … however you have only a split-second to react before he reaches you.

What do you do?

UK POLICE OFFICER
Firstly, the officer must consider the man’s Human Rights:

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly-arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try to negotiate with him and discuss his wrong-doings?
8.) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility, and the loss of my family home?

AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!

AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! ‘click’…

Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks, “Nice grouping.”