› Forums › Non Football Stuff › Some quotes
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15 February 2010 at 8:32 pm #22779
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’
– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
– Eleanor RooseveltLast week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
– Mark TwainThe secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
– George BurnsSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor BorgeBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark TwainBy all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney DangerfieldMoney can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike MilliganUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
– Joe NamathI don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob HopeI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
– W. C. FieldsWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will RogersDon’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston ChurchillMaybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
– Phyllis DillerBy the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy CrystalAnd the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good spit it out.
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› Forums › Non Football Stuff › Some quotes