This one reduced me to tears of laughter. I was laughing that much I had snot bubbles coming out of my nostrils…
Played with a mad bastard at centre-half years ago who had some form of Tourette’s; bellowing (frequently obscene) non-sequiturs at moments of great stress, which as we know is about every 22 seconds on a Sunday football pitch. And yet all his outbursts seemed to “fit” with the rest of the nonsense, “hold”, “turn”, “simple simple”, “foot through it” “lost our shape, lads” – and of course the one I sport as a handle…So, the best one: we’re somehow 2-1 up v a far superior lot, last minute, corner, as it comes over, he charges out to meet the arcing ball, soars and bullets it away while screaming “FAKKING INCEST!!!!”