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Somewhere, sitting in his living room, a man named Colin Wanker tearfully realises that his name is an anagram of Neil Warnock.
I just said to my wife, “Right sexy, upstairs now!”
She looked at me and said, “Oooh, kinky bastard.”
I said, “No seriously, the match is coming on, now fuck off!”
A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?”
“Originally from Essex sir,” the boy replied.
“Why did you leave Essex?” the manager asked.
The boy answered, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and footballers there.”
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Essex.”
“No shit!” the boy replied. “Who does she play for?”
I went in the corner shop the other day, said to the girl behind the counter ‘I’ll have a kit kat chunkie’,
She gave me one of those new thicker kit kats, so i asked her again, i want a kit kat you fat bitch.
John Terry takes alot of criticism, but he has some qualities, and at least he calls a spade a spade.
He’s also very upbeat about lifting the Euro 2012 trophy, as he’s already decided he’s doing it whichever team wins it.
You’re asking us for the latest news on something?!
Well I’m disgusted, sort it out, copy and paste something, anything, bloody rubbish Donnelly!!!Uncle Dave must have already bought the training tops with RM on them, so it makes sense financially, it’s either him or Ricky Martin, Rickys just gone 5/4 favourite at betfred, so it’ll probably be Steve bruce
Is he getting worse in his old age? Seems he’s got Knowledge of all kinds of stuff lately, and he’s just so willing to put it out there.
On the England set up:
They’ll do well, I’m sure of that, Roy will bring in some new faces, he’s very experienced abroad, so I’m sure he’ll bring a few from the continent and there’s some cracking lads in south America he’ll be looking to bring in, I think they’ll win the euros, then the world cup, then the challenge cup and the Davis cup.
On petrol prices:
Well it’s dear isn’t it? I don’t think they’re in tune with the working man, I don’t know why they don’t bring out a range of discount petrol, buy in bulk, sell it cheap, that’s what I’d do, but I’m getting on a bit now, I played in FA cup final you know, broke me leg!
On the Greek economy:
Well they’re Greek aren’t they, that’s the problem, they’re all Greek, hot aswell that Greece, so that can’t help, it won’t happen over here because it’s cold, except this week when it’s hotter than Greece, it’s cold most of the time though, but not as cold as it was in the olden days, I used to have to piss on my hands to keep warm.
What’s that got to do with the Greek economy? Nothing, what was the question again? Eeeh, he’s a good manager Roberto, do you want a pie?Tomorrow they’re going to Rio de Janeiro, not to look for players, it’s just because Dave heard that Copacabana drinks are free
