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Sometimes you hear what you wan to hear:
At a travel agency in Shanghai , I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she
could escort me on a city tour, and asked her for her mobile number, so I could call her to make arrangements.She got excited and said: “sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight”.
I replied: “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!
A guy standing next to me heard me, and told me what she really said was: 666136429.
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his customary dumb-blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It is men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only Blondes, but women in general . . pathetically, all in the name of humor!”
When the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, the blonde shouts . . . “You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit
Last weekend I went to watch Coventry City play at home.
The guy stood next to me asked “Are you staying to the end of the game?”
“Yes” I replied.
“Great! Here are the keys, lock up when you leave.”For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica £50 ono.
No longer needed, just got married, wife knows fucking everything!Bloke goes into Galloways for a cake.
They are all priced at £1 each except for one which is £2.
“Why is this £2 and all the others are £1”, he asks.
“That’s Madeira cake”, says the shop assistant.Bloke goes into a Deli shop and looks at the offerings behind the glass counter.
“Could I have two Pissoles please?” he asks the lady shop assistant.
She seemed perplexed and looked at the tag before smiling “Sorry sir it should be an “R” not a “P” someone has rubbed out the line.”
The guy smiled back “OK, no problem. could I have two arseoles then?”Mick: “Went out last weekend, cost me a fiver to get in and the place was full of half naked women and you could drink as much as you wanted for free!”
John: “Bloody Hell! Where was that?”
Mick: “The local swimming pool.”
This german shepherd keeps pooping on my lawn every morning. It was worse today, he brought his dog with him.
Our Maude loves all this freak winter weather she spends hours looking through the window. I suppose eventually ill have to let her in.
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