The Joke Thread……

Forums Non Football Stuff The Joke Thread……

Viewing 15 posts - 331 through 345 (of 345 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #151671
    DickDastrdlyDickDastrdly
    Player
    • 50 Posts Started
    • 331 Participant
    • 381 Total Posts

    Sometimes you hear what you wan to hear:
    At a travel agency in Shanghai , I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she
    could escort me on a city tour, and asked her for her mobile number, so I could call her to make arrangements.

    She got excited and said: “sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight”.

    I replied: “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!

    A guy standing next to me heard me, and told me what she really said was: 666136429.

    FA Cup Winners 2013 - Living the dream

    #161243
    DickDastrdlyDickDastrdly
    Player
    • 50 Posts Started
    • 331 Participant
    • 381 Total Posts

    A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his customary dumb-blonde jokes.

    Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It is men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only Blondes, but women in general . . pathetically, all in the name of humor!”

    When the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, the blonde shouts . . . “You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit

    FA Cup Winners 2013 - Living the dream

    #166113
    LawrieALawrence
    Player
    • 1 Posts Started
    • 28 Participant
    • 29 Total Posts

    Last weekend I went to watch Coventry City play at home.
    The guy stood next to me asked “Are you staying to the end of the game?”
    “Yes” I replied.
    “Great! Here are the keys, lock up when you leave.”

    #166114
    LawrieALawrence
    Player
    • 1 Posts Started
    • 28 Participant
    • 29 Total Posts

    For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica £50 ono.
    No longer needed, just got married, wife knows fucking everything!

    #166138
    SammySammy
    Player
    • 61 Posts Started
    • 2,196 Participant
    • 2,257 Total Posts

    Bloke goes into Galloways for a cake.
    They are all priced at £1 each except for one which is £2.
    “Why is this £2 and all the others are £1”, he asks.
    “That’s Madeira cake”, says the shop assistant.

    #166139
    SammySammy
    Player
    • 61 Posts Started
    • 2,196 Participant
    • 2,257 Total Posts

    Put a Hawaiian pizza in the oven last night but burned it.
    Should have had it on aloha light.

    #166149
    Goole Away 71Goole Away 71
    Player
    • 1 Posts Started
    • 244 Participant
    • 245 Total Posts

    What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?

    A Scotsman wears a kilt but…

    #166150
    filmossfilmoss
    Player
    • 627 Posts Started
    • 7,099 Participant
    • 7,726 Total Posts

    #166152
    LawrieALawrence
    Player
    • 1 Posts Started
    • 28 Participant
    • 29 Total Posts

    Bloke goes into a Deli shop and looks at the offerings behind the glass counter.
    “Could I have two Pissoles please?” he asks the lady shop assistant.
    She seemed perplexed and looked at the tag before smiling “Sorry sir it should be an “R” not a “P” someone has rubbed out the line.”
    The guy smiled back “OK, no problem. could I have two arseoles then?”

    #166315
    NuneatonlaticNuneatonlatic
    Player
    • 267 Posts Started
    • 4,500 Participant
    • 4,767 Total Posts

    Christmas gone we sat down to a Brexit dinner all the usual trimmings without Brussels.

    #166316
    NuneatonlaticNuneatonlatic
    Player
    • 267 Posts Started
    • 4,500 Participant
    • 4,767 Total Posts

    Just had Korean meatballs they were the dogs bollocks.

    #166465
    LawrieALawrence
    Player
    • 1 Posts Started
    • 28 Participant
    • 29 Total Posts

    Mick: “Went out last weekend, cost me a fiver to get in and the place was full of half naked women and you could drink as much as you wanted for free!”

    John: “Bloody Hell! Where was that?”

    Mick: “The local swimming pool.”

    #166929
    runcornfan1978runcornfan1978
    Player
    • 315 Posts Started
    • 2,533 Participant
    • 2,848 Total Posts

    This german shepherd keeps pooping on my lawn every morning. It was worse today, he brought his dog with him.

    #167115
    NuneatonlaticNuneatonlatic
    Player
    • 267 Posts Started
    • 4,500 Participant
    • 4,767 Total Posts

    Our Maude loves all this freak winter weather she spends hours looking through the window. I suppose eventually ill have to let her in.

    #170719
    TravisTony
    Player
    • 13 Posts Started
    • 79 Participant
    • 92 Total Posts

    My German girlfriend has begun rating my sexual performances from 1-10. Last night we tried anal during which she started shouting Nine, Nine, Nine. My best score yet :P

Viewing 15 posts - 331 through 345 (of 345 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Forums Non Football Stuff The Joke Thread……