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Did you hear about the Frenchman who couldn’t count beyond the number seven. He had a huit allergy.
Zut alors Sammy, most of our members can’t even speak English.
Incidentally, I was telling my French friends once that although I pronounced this ‘zoot’ alors my mate always pronoucned it more like ‘zyoot’ alors. I was told that both are technically correct, though my version has the translates with the more traditional “oh crikey” meaning, whereas his is a little less “Famous 5-ish” and means something along the lines of “I want to blow my come in your face”. :shock:
I kid you not. It’s full of subtle nuances, the French langauge[/quote]
I gave up on this joke because I got tired of having to explain it, after which it lost it’s – admittedly marginal – impact.(Regarding the shootings on the Togo bus)
You didn’t see Adebayor running to the gunners this time ;)man drowned in the dougie wearing wigan warriors shirt,womens underwear,fishnet
stocking and sextoy up his ass.Police removed his wigan warriors shirt to save his
family any embarrassmentGames that merely involve throwing a heavy, lenticular, circular object with a weight of 2 kilograms as far as possible have no place at the Olympics.
Discus.
Hi, is that the police?
Yes, how can we help?
I’ve been raped. There were these massive black men who just kept attacking and attacking. I’ve never felt so violated.
Your name, sir?
It’s Chris….. Chris Kirkland.
A black man approached me and said, “Can you tell me how to get to the train station, please?”
I said, “Certainly, monkey face. You go past the jerk chicken, around the grape soda and, Muhammad’s your cotton-picker, it’s opposite the watermelon.”
As I lay here in hospital, I’m thinking to myself, “That’s the last time I eat those f******g Rowntree’s Randoms!”
My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, “That’s for all the cheating!”
She has a weird way of apologising.
I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.
He said, “Grandson… how far do you think I can kick this bucket?” :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:A man named Ralph appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St.Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Brecon Beacons in South Wales , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, yelling “Now, back off or I’ll kick the sh1t out of all of you!”
St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”
“Just a couple minutes ago”.
A man named Ralph appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St.Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Brecon Beacons in South Wales , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, yelling “Now, back off or I’ll kick the whale out of all of you!”
St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”
“Just a couple minutes ago”.
:lol:
A guy approaches a girl in a bar and says “I,d give you one darlin”. “Piss off” she replies, “I wouldn,t sleep with you if you were the last man on earth” “Hang on”, he says, “I was giving you marks out of 10 you daft cow”…
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and I told him, “’I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the psychiatrist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car!”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain’t nobody under there now!!!”
DUMP THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS. GO HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.
A husband and wife were sitting watching TV, When he turned to his wife and said……
“Babe,tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
she said…..
“You’ve got the biggest c*ck out of all your mates!”
:shock:
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